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Jupiter Ascending is storytelling asphyxiated in the black vacuum of space.Follow Wahlberg has vowed never to change his body shape for a film again after he was left feeling "absolutely miserable" as he slimmed down to play a drug addict in new crime drama The Gambler.
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Jupiter Ascending has set design and costuming that destroys every Marvel movie put together, but even the best pulp sci fi cover needs to have something to grab you past that first page. But Guardians was successful because its characters were reachable, its conflicts knowable. There's also a ship of somewhat trustworthy characters cheering along.
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There's a moment that is quite reminiscent of Guardians Of The Galaxy, in which Tatum must break through a patch of warhammers reminiscent of the Nova Corps' shield. By the time Kunis and Tatum are blasting baddies in the third act, it's quite impossible to care about them as real people. It's just a shame that none of it has a dramatic purpose.
One gets the sense that they really believe all the post-human mumbo jumbo in this film. She also meets her genetic double's three children: Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), Titus (Douglas Booth), and Balem (Eddie Redmayne.) They're all evil, but Balem is the most evil because he whispers all the time.Įven the best pulp sci fi cover needs to have something to grab you past that first pageĬredit where it's due: the Wachowskis are nothing if not earnest in their work.
Caine takes Jupiter to the heavens, where she learns of her great robber baron-esque fortune. That reads a lot cooler than it actually is in the movie, where Tatum does little more than speak in a monotone and zoom around on gravity boots that make him look like he's auditioning for Starlight Express. His name is Caine, and he's some sort of spliced humanoid-canine space cop who protects Jupiter from the creepy Gollum-looking beasts trying to kill her. Turns out that Jupiter is a DNA replica (reincarnation?) of the matriarch of the Abrasax clan, and the rival sons want her for nefarious purposes.Ĭhanning Tatum, whose eye makeup looks a little too much like Will Ferrell's in Zoolander, has Jupiter's back. Luckily there are a bunch of bounty hunters from the far reaches of space ready to whisk her to adventure.
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She hates her life and her noisy, ugly house jam-packed with angry relatives, but knows not how to break the cycle. Mila Kunis plays Jupiter Jones, a miserable Russian immigrant in Chicago whose life consists of scrubbing toilets from daybreak til dusk. Rare is the film that makes you yearn for its early sections when you were clueless and in the dark. Jupiter Ascending's story is vexing at first, and once the plot reveals itself, it only gets worse. But these are visual treats that ultimately signify nothing. No one could deny that the ships, wormholes, lizard creatures, and high-end interstellar couture in this film is anything but exemplary. Jupiter Ascending, the new and confused film by the Wachowskis, is a two-hour experiment of thumbtacking one gorgeous vision of space porn after another. Maybe you've gazed at the covers of old sci-fi pulp novels and flashed on a story based just on an image.